We can compare life to eyes. Just as when vision is
blurred, you have to cover up the deficiency with new glasses, or you can
prevent the sharpness by wearing sunglasses in the hot sun. Sadness can come in
life. Then, like glasses, the sharpness of sadness or the discrepancy between
what you want and what you get has to be made bearable with some alternative
thoughts for health.
Due to religion and sociality in our own lives, we are
born with the right to a bond called ‘marriage’. This marriage is also a part
of social and family peace and is also necessary for the health of the social
environment. But even in this peace, unrest can strike from time to time.
Human life is not a video game, which - if you go in
the wrong direction, you cannot start renew by pressing 'restart'. Therefore,
you should take a very calculated step in every phase of life. But how many of
us can do that?
Moreover, even after many calculations, unexpected
events still happen, – In God's inviolable calculations. Then you have to
control yourself, – so that the rest of your life does not become a burden to
yourself.
Just as it is not possible to change one's family or
life, there is no point in running away from sadness, there is no way to
escape. Then it is better to take measures such as eye glasses or sun glasses.
The best way to deal with the disappointments of life
is to ‘improve our vision’ - the vision with which we can see everything that
happens in life as normal, or ignore bad thoughts and see a beautiful future.
This is the right way to lead a healthy life.
Married
life and the present day of us -
Marriage is a social and legal contract between two
people. Along with this, through marriage, not only two people are united - but
also a social bond between two families. It may not be possible for everyone to
have a successful marriage, like a fairy tale, or that all couples can 'live
happily ever after'. If there is a difference of opinion or a difference of
mind reaches an extreme level, separation becomes inevitable due to oppression
and trust-distrust.
Separation is never desired, but sometimes it is
inevitable and can also be positive to reduce the pain of living an unhappy
life. Although it is ugly, it is not a taboo subject at all. It is a natural
consequence in the case of a deterioration in a relationship. It is better to
move away from living a turbulent life. If ignored, problems from family
problems to mental stress can affect anyone in the family from mind to body. A
major mental health problem may arise.
In past generations, women were without income. So they
were forced to accept or tolerate any difficult situation. But now most women
are able to earn. So they can cope without taking pressure in difficult
situations. So they are not helpless, they do not tolerate it with their mouths
closed, they move away.
The issue of getting divorced within a few days of
marriage raises questions for everyone. Those who are concerned about the
society have tried to identify some reasons for this separation –
1. Inability to behave rationally:
In all ages - educated-uneducated or enlightened-unenlightened, some families
lack some rational behavior, and this accident occurs there. They do not want
to understand - as soon as they enter into married life, they have to introduce
a sense of responsibility between each other. Any problem has to be discussed
rationally. Otherwise, instead of a happy family, quarrels/disputes and
separation will come. It is natural that a capable woman will not accept
anything irrational.
2. Lack of small courtesy:
Immediately after marriage, husband and wife have some aspirations for each
other. The necessary respect, sincere treatment, appreciation as human beings,
decent and courteous behavior of both families towards each other - if such
small things are not given importance - this becomes the cause of big issues at
some point. Then, by blaming each other, a big quarrel becomes the root cause.
3. Couples not expressing themselves in
public: This is very unreasonable and sad and inhumane and
cowardly. Although it is an exceptional reason, it happens somewhere. Due to
this, due to not being able to express themselves in society, due to distance
from society and due to secrecy, the distance between themselves and
dissatisfaction gradually increases. Since humans are social creatures, it is
difficult for anyone to accept this for a long time. It is also a matter of
extreme suffering. And from that, separation becomes more important at some
point. If you can dare to start a family, you should also have the courage to
express yourself. Otherwise, you should show the courage to refrain from the
decision to start a family. This saves the next generation from having a great
deal of trouble.
4. Not sharing the responsibilities of
the family: Gradually, as the family grows older, both have to
understand their responsibilities - and share them. If there is no compromise
here, there is additional pressure on one of them. That is what creates
conflict.
5. Not reaching a decision regarding
expenses: Not agreeing on the combined expenses of the family
and the personal income and expenses of both of them and there is tension. If
unity cannot be achieved, distrust arises towards each other. This financial
issue is also a frequent reason for the breakup of the family.
6. Not paying attention to likes and
dislikes: Being indifferent to the dislikes of the partner or
partner, or doing them repeatedly without being aware of it, or not trying to
correct them.
7. Pressure of dowry in the name of
gifts: Nowadays, many people say that they are against
dowry. But if they do not receive appropriate gifts, they become upset and this
is expressed in their behavior, whether willingly or unwillingly. This also
leads to separation in many cases.
According to the Bangladesh Bureau of Statistics
(BBS), in 2017, the divorce rate among men in Bangladesh was 1.5 percent, while
among women, it was 10.5 percent. The divorce rate has increased by 34 percent
in the last seven years (BBS 2018). According to research published in the
journal, one divorce application is filed every hour in the Dhaka City
Corporation area alone, of which 95 percent are finalized.
A study in the United States shows that, on average,
most divorces occur after eight years of marriage. However, this gap is
decreasing day by day, meaning that the divorce rate is increasing after
marriage. Ted Houston, a researcher at the University of Texas at Austin, has
shown in a study that the first two years of marriage are the riskiest time. A
significant number of divorces occur within these two years.
What we can do to prevent divorce -
We are all different, even within a family, each
person has a different mind and mindset. Before marriage, every man and woman
has some uniqueness - their way of life is also different. But after marriage,
their roles in the family or in life change, be it a love marriage or a family
marriage.
This role change has to be handled skillfully. At this
time, both the husband and wife, including the entire family, have to adapt to
each other. Then, lack of patience to adapt to this change, personality conflicts
and some related issues related to not being able to adapt to the change can be
the reason for separation.
After marriage, mutual understanding between the two
is very important - even if there has been a long-standing acquaintance and
love between them. Because, marriage is a period of change. Through marriage,
everyone's psyche changes. They have to assume a role that they have never
played before. At this time, a mental stress is created.
Holmes and Rahe introduced their famous stress scale
in 1967. It describes 43 life events that create stress in us. The death of a
partner is called the number 1 stress-causing event.
Divorce
is at number 2. And it is surprising to know that out of
the 43 things, marriage is at number 7. This means that marriage, whether with
a person you like or with a person you don't like, is a stress-causing event.
So every man and woman who is under stress after marriage will be a little
impatient. They cannot control their emotions. Then they behave in an
undesirable way, which sometimes ends in divorce.
Therefore, to make this much desired married life
enjoyable - happy and successful, everyone must be patient. No third party
should be given any opportunity. All emotional matters, i.e. anger, hatred,
greed, jealousy, must be kept away. Everyone should have effective
communication among themselves, be accountable and open, realistic and correct
financial management, share the necessary tasks - all these matters should be
considered by everyone or both husband and wife.
Finally - if necessary, seek advice from a specialist
or an experienced person - to live a healthy life, you need to understand all
of this. Take your time, think carefully, make the right decision, to lead
a healthy life.
